I play this track in the morning to start my days sometimes.

Just had a long day at work being very busy with a quite mundane process trying to compile a dvd for a client under a tight deadline. I almost got it done but there were a couple of technical things holding me back. The interesting thing was being that after trying concentrated on a task for 14 hours my walk home was very pleasant and I was in a great mood, my spirits were lifted. I'll take this as a blessing as there are days where grinding under a tight deadline doesn't bring me any great feelings. So what does this have to do with anything? The concept of "doing a good job" is tied very deeply into my sense of self. When I have been in therapy or in meditation I always am always aware of my personal desire to do a "good job". I do place a value on doing "good job" most likely as a way to connect with my father who it seemed to me growing up did a good job with all his undertakings especially in his work.

Over the week end I went and helped my dad move a bunch of brush and blowdown from winter storm damage in the woods at the back of my parents property. I have been so focused internally lately that I found it so surprising how easy it was just to let it go and basically just pick up sticks in the woods. Chop wood.

I'm back from a lilttle trip to Maui really enjoyed it. Beach. Coffee. Reading. Swimming. Simple. First couple of days I was a bit stressed out trying " to hurry up and relax " but as soon as I figured that this was the trap it kind of dissapeared. The flight home we almost missed due to a some mistake on the online booking side. Not so good. Back home and back to capoeira I'm sore but thats OK. Trying to let people play their game and be not so agressive be aware of creating enough space between us for a good game. Been reading some at zaadz but do need to explore more beyond the Pavlina debate that originaly compeled me to join. I wonder why the Pavlina blog "upset" me and others, I wonder if he had said something such as "it was gods will" (even if that what he was saying essentially) or something that I could discount completely or not take seriously. I have always had issues with poeple who place themselves above others and people who "tell you the way it is". This is part of my shadow a disowned masculine energy that wants to know how things are and a ego that wants to place myself above others and to see myself as "better" than others. I know that I have shodow issues but I do feel that there is more than just my reaction to this and am releived to see that others have missgiving to some of the ideas of Pavilna.

This is my first time here and I am a bit unsure if this will be a good use of my time but I felt the desire (I'm not going to cling to it too much) (it gone now) to join.